This is My Journey...

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

*I was sick...*

Yesterday, I was really sick. I had a terrible headache that I finally decided to go home. Usually, I'll just take some medicine then i'll be better. But yesterday... for some reasons i didn't know, the drug didn't took effect.

I don't usually get sick and it's a good thing coz i want to avoid being one. Specially now that I'm living alone, like yesterday, I cried myself into sleep. I missed my family, missed them taking care of me when I'm sick. I wanted to talk to my cousin Mhinor and cried to him. Unfortunately, he's already asleep. There's no one I like to talk to yesterday, but him. I felt he's the only one who can console me.

Yep, I'm a tough woman but I'm still a child sometimes. And I want playing sweet w/ my cousin. He spoils me most of the time that's why I really, really LOVE him.

Nor, can you hear me? I want to talk to you. I missed you.

In The Fairyland On|11:12:00 AM| 3 comments

Monday, June 20, 2005

*Rhetorical Questions...*

I have come with this question:

If you were hit by your boyfriend once during a fight but apologized the next day, saying that it was just an impulse reaction, would you take him back or pack your bags and leave as fast as you can?

The rebel in me? But of course, I will definitely pack my bags and leave him right away. Even though I love him that much and it will definitely torn me to leave him, I won't definitely tolerate him. He did it and there's always the possibility that he will do it again. I won't definitely allow myself to be a battered gf nor a battered wife. I am not raised to be bitten by someone.

But then, some matters have to be considered like maybe I'm the one who pushed him to do that. It all depends.

For now, I'll say definitely yes, I'll leave him. But who knows, I've broken some personal rules. I can never really tell till such time that I'm in that situation. Hope not.

~ ~ ~

Some of our employees were really pissing me off. I really hate heated altercation. I'm having a headache right now and they add-on to the pain i'm feeling. I think I'll get sick. Cannot, i have to work.

In The Fairyland On|10:52:00 AM| 3 comments

Friday, June 17, 2005

*I want to be mean!!!*

Why there are people who are so arrogant, disrespectful, pretentious, selfish, etc. etc.? Why not fight fairly?

I'm getting pissed off. I want to be mean. I want to be violent. But it's not my nature. If only I could slap them so that they could stop acting like that.

What? Do they seek attention? Oh my! It's so annoying.

In The Fairyland On|5:51:00 PM| 3 comments

Thursday, June 16, 2005

*A Song...*

This morning, while I was in the car, my friend's cellphone rang... playing his present ringtone. Oh my! I was surprised by his ringtone. I haven't heard or sing that song for a while. It's one of my favorites. It was a theme song in a Korean drama and has a Tagalog translation.

Well, just want to test if I could still remember the lyrics by heart.

Di ko na kaya

Di ko na kaya pang itago
Ang nararamdaman sa iyo
Umaasang ikaw sana'y mayakap.

Di ko na kaya pang ilihim
Nasasaktan man ako
Sa aking pag-iisa
Hinahanap ka.

Chorus:
Di ko kailangan ng kayamanan
Puso mo ang tangi kong inaasam
Hindi ko kayang ikaw ay malayo
Mawalay ka sa piling ko
Sana ay ikaw ang kapalaran
Sa bawat araw ay aking mahahagkan
Habang ang buhay ko ay narito
Handa kong ibigay sa iyo.

Bridge:
Kay sarap damhin
ang tunay na pagmamahal
Katulad nitong pag-ibig ko sa iyo.

Wow! I still remember the lyrics... hehe... guess have to sing it more often now... hmmm... i'll remember to look for an mp3 copy of it.

In The Fairyland On|12:26:00 PM| 3 comments

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

*Praises*

This past few days, i've been receiving a lot of praises. You're beautiful! You're a cutie! You're wonderful! You're great! and stuff. Don't get me wrong. I like it and i feel special when receiving one. It's flattering... overwhelming. But honestly, I feel shy and sometimes I asked myself what do people perceive of myself? Seems they think I'm Ms. Perfect. That I can never do wrong. It's scary. Even, my siblings, they look up to me and think that I could do it all. Am I leaving that kind of impression?

Actually, most of the time, I feel I know nothing. That's why I indulge myself in surfing the net and reading almost everything. Also, in conversations with others. Because from there I could learn too from their experiences.

I really like doing this things and never mind that I'm dumb pala hehe... Hey, I'm not dumb all the time. You want a fight?

Haha... Whatever! I'm just a risktaker. And i'm not afraid anymore to change. It's the only constant thing in this world. Another, I love quotes and I try to live with it.

I like this one from Oprah...
"You have a gift that only you can give the world - that's the whole reason you're on the planet. Use your precious energy to build a magnificent life that really is attainable. The miracle of your existence calls for celebration everyday."

I also learned not to expect too much so that I won't be disappointed. Don't do unto others what you don't want to do unto you. Avoid comparing yourself to others coz there will always be a greater or lesser one than you. Stay optimistic and most of all, learn to be happy.

5 - 7 years ago, my outlook was not like this. I just evolved to what I am now. As one of my fave quotes say,
I am what I am today
Because of the choices
I made yesterday.

Try to live with my quotes too. I said try, i'm not pushing you. I don't wanna be push too.

In The Fairyland On|11:21:00 AM| 3 comments

Sunday, June 05, 2005

*My nephew Ryan...*

This morning I was able to talked to him. Finally!!! Oh! My sister Arni made a lot of convincing for him to talk with me over the phone. When asked why didn't he want to talk with me, he said that I should come home for us to talk personally. My sister said my poor nephew just missed me soo much. I feel the same. He's like a son to me. I may adopt him but for sure his parents won't allow that. Hehe...

~ ~ ~

I'm starting to get scared this past few days. One friend begun to show signs that he's interested w/ me and likes to do the deed with me. I'm open w/ them talking about sex and stuff. One time during conversation, he said why not we try to do it. He said it like a joke but hey, you can determine if it has malice. And i'm pretty sure, it has. Another one was when we were in the elevator, he said it might brown-out and we will be stuck in there. I'm... "WHAAAT?" I didn't know where it came. Why will it brown-out when's the weather was perfectly fine? Then, I remembered I told him that i've read in a forum that some's sexual fantasy was doing it in the elevator. My Gosh!!!

He's a friend and a confidante. For a long time, I always keep my distance with them because I'm afraid of things like this to happen. I even refused their offer to move in the same floor with them. I reasoned out that I value my privacy which is partly true.

Well, I made a solution w/ this one and hopefully it will work. Today, while having our lunch I told him a story then I made it clear to him that I don't and will never get myself involve with a married man. That's number one rule. Looks like I made it clear to him. I hope so.

In The Fairyland On|7:48:00 PM| 0 comments